Better With Sprinkles

The Colourful Side to Healthy Living.

freEDom: Asking for Help.

8 Comments

Once again, I’m contributing to Sloane’s FreEDom from Perfection campaign!

My confession today?

I’m terrified of asking for help.

It doesn’t matter if it’s with a personal matter (I will fight a pickle jar until the death) or schoolwork, I hate doing it. I’m the person who will take a lower mark on a paper rather than ask for help or clarification. Considering that I’m also a huge perfectionist, it makes for a lot of internal battles.

When I was in high school, I knew I was having troubles. I was having issues with depression and anxiety, but I refused to seek any sort of counselling. I’ve always had a very “I can do it myself” approach to things, even when I should be seeking help. As a result, I developed some extremely negative ways of dealing, with binging and restriction cycles being one of them.

With the ED, I had to hit an extremely dark place before I felt that help was necessary. In fact, it was almost a full year (about 9-10 months) after I hit my lowest weight that I began taking steps to finding a therapist. I had gained about 10 pounds, but was still pretty underweight. Eventually, I understood that if I continued to fight this on my own, I’d remain stagnant and stuck. I knew the ED was making me miserable, so clearly I wasn’t doing myself any favours by continuing the battle on my own.

Of course, entering therapy was the best decision I’ve ever made. My therapist was able to help me figure out the roots of my anorexia and deal with my emotions surrounding it, eventually leading me to beat the disease and reach a healthy weight that I’ve been maintaining for about 2 years now. I know that without that reach for help, I’d likely still be in battle with my eating disorder; which if you’ve had similar experiences, you know is absolute hell.

Although I was able to (eventually) ask for the help I needed regarding the ED, I still struggle with it in everyday life. I almost view asking for help as weakness, which is completely untrue. I don’t expect anyone else to be 100% capable all of the time, so why would I hold myself to a different standard? I know I’m not being fair to myself.

When I try to accomplish everything on my own and then am disappointed with the results, I feel like a failure. I beat myself up internally for not feeling capable – this is unacceptable and unnecessary.

So a new goal for myself: Ask for help when I need it. No one views me as different or weak just because I need help. I’m not the strongest person in the world, or the best student, or most capable. But if asking for help can help me reach my goals, why wouldn’t I do it?

<— Do you have trouble asking for help?

<— Do you hold yourself to a different standard than you do others?

<— What’s your #freEDom confession today?

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8 thoughts on “freEDom: Asking for Help.

  1. This is amazing! Thank you so much for joining in, Sam. It means more to me than you can know. I can totally relate to this! I kept my ED a secret for years because I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t deal with it myself. My parents convinced me to seek counseling in high school for anxiety, panic attacks and depression, but I was very reluctant, and refused to take medication. A never told them I was struggling with an ED at that point either. But aside from that, I’m the same way! I HATE going to teachers and admitting I need their help. I too will wrestle the apple juice bottle and coconut oil jar TO THE GROUND. However, I discovered my mom and sister are the same way, and I had another submission this week along those same lines. Apparently this is something that needs to be addressed! Thank you for your beautiful insights my dear! Have a great day!
    xoxo

    • Glad you enjoyed the post Sloane! I ended up on anti-depressants in high school because I refused to deal with my issues and get counselling…in retrospect, I would have much rather taken the counselling!

      Thanks for commenting and for keeping up with your campaign, you know how much I love it ❤

  2. You read my mind with today’s post, hun. So much so that your confession today is also mine haha. It makes me feel a little better to know I’m not alone in this, and I LOVE that your goal is to ask for help. Definitely mine as well! I hope that you have a great day, girl 🙂

  3. oh gosh I saw your title and was like.. story of my life. I struggled and still do struggle with asking for help. i think it is the idea that it makes me weak or vulnerable that really scares me about asking for help. I am glad you realize that, I know it is something I work on daily to improve.

  4. This is so true. I have a really hard time asking for help, even about the littlest things. It took so much courage for me to ask my teachers for help this week. It’s something I’ve never done. I think a lot of us feel like we have to do everything for ourselves to seem strong, and in reality, that’s where a lot of the problems lie. Thank you for being so honest with us, and for sharing your story as part of the campaign ❤

  5. You’re in my heaaaaaad poking around with sticks. Be gentle 😛 Not being able to ask for help, and holding myself to waaaay higher standards than anyone else, is something I definitely still struggle with. Throughout my entire ED, the only person I was willing to talk to about my struggles was my mom, and when she suggested on multiple occasions that I see someone about it, I flat out refused. In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t have been so stubborn. Sure I was able to eventually get better, but it took a lot more time, blood, sweat, and tears than it should have. I’ve gotten a lot better at being able to ask for help with the little things, but when it comes to big things like that? I still shy away. Working on it, though… definitely working… Like you said, I don’t look at people who ask for help as weak at all, so why see myself that way? Doesn’t make sense…

  6. I can 100% relate to this. I am a perfectionist and yet I have so much trouble asking others for help when I so desperately need it. In the past, it has taken me to being so low and broken to reach a point where I just almost shut down and inevitably HAVE to accept help (rather than asking for it sooner and moving forward without first crumbling). My mom is probably the one person that I feel comfortable asking for help with things, and even then it usually takes a lot of internal battles before I let myself. I think our society has this whole standard where we are expected to do everything and be the best, which is just not healthy or realistic. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we should use each other to make each of us the best we can be. The blogging community has especially proven this to me – it is OKAY and GOOD to ask for help, because needing help from others is how we connect and what makes us human.

  7. I hate asking for help too! I’m incredibly stubborn.

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