Better With Sprinkles

The Colourful Side to Healthy Living.

Guest Post: Don’t Apologize

7 Comments

Hola everyone!

I’m Sloane, and I blog over at Strength In Freedom.

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I’m guest posting for Sam today, since she’s off living it up in Chi-town. I’m honored she asked me write for her. Her positivity and humor always lift my spirits, and she is a woman I look up to and am constantly inspired by. Love you, Sam!

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This past weekend, I did a training retreat for a new job I’m starting. While we talked a little bit about the practical aspects, what we mostly did was work through the mental blocks that prevent us from success. A pattern I noticed among many of the women there (including myself) was a tendency to diminish ourselves to avoid seeming pushy or overbearing. We start conversations with “I’m really sorry but…” “I know this might sound silly, but…” “I’m sure this is annoying, but…” “I really don’t mean to bother you, but…”

Why do we need to demean ourselves in order to sound nice or agreeable? It actually makes us sound insecure and timid. When you open with a statement that is apologetic or demeaning, you undermine the possibility of success—its not endearing or polite as we’ve been taught to believe. Think about it: If someone is selling herself short before she even introduces her main point would you trust that person? Would you hire her? Would you believe that she was powerful and confident enough to get something done?

I doubt it.

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The other problem with talking like this is that it demeans our own sense of self. Not only do we come across as weak to others, it reflect and reinforces a belief within ourselves that says we aren’t good enough, people don’t want to hear what we have to say, we are going to fail.

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Another fun fact: Men don’t talk like this! This style of speech is unique to women, especially in the workplace. To me, this is another reason to stop apologizingand own our power. If men can be successful without constantly trying to come off as accommodating and submissive, then so can women!

**Side note: I almost wrote in “Sorry for my little feminism rant, I’m off my soapbox now I swear!” Perfect example of what I’m talking about—I’m notsorry for talking about something that I’m passionate about! Old habits die hard I suppose.

We don’t deserve to sell ourselves short in anypart of our lives. Whether at work, with our parents, our friends, our significant others, or complete strangers that read your blog posts, we always have the power to shine our strengths and our passions without feeling sorry for them.

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Today, I challenge you to examine where you use apologetic speech in your life. Do you say it to your friends before you disagree over something? What about at work or in class? Do you apologize for having your own ideas or noticing something others didn’t? It is something so engrained into our psyches that it can be pretty difficult to notice at first (I’m talking from experience here). But once you start to notice it, you can start to stop it before it comes out of your mouth. Remember that you are powerful, you are unique, you are passionate, you are brilliantly shining in your own way—and that is nothing to be sorry for.

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Thanks for reading y’all, and I hope that you know how amazing you all are!

Be sure to keep reading Sam’s blog, its fabulous. And check out my page too! I’d love to hear from you!

xoxo

What can you stop apologizing for today?

What do you like best about Sam’s blog?

What ignites your passion? What makes you amazing?

 

*Sam’s note: Sloane, you make me blush! I love you too, lady! ❤ I love this topic – women do need to be more assertive and less apologetic in our daily lives! Thanks so much Sloane!*

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7 thoughts on “Guest Post: Don’t Apologize

  1. This is an absolutely wonderful message, Sloane. I am do this all the time…it’s so ingrained at this point that I don’t even realize it anymore. You are so right about how unacceptable it really is, though. I have to think about this and see how I can stop myself from continuing this habit. Thank you, hun.

  2. Pingback: Thankful Thursday « Strength in Freedom

  3. this is so true, we actually had to change this language when I was in treatment. all of us decided we would take this i’m sorry out of our language when it wasn’t necessary. it was nice to have people help me hold myself accountable.

  4. Wow, awesome post! I needed this on a day when I’m tired & feeling frustrated with work. Knowing & recognizing nothing I DID was wrong helps. I am going to stop apologizing for eating a bit too much dessert last night & also stop apologizing for being frustrated with things I have a right to be frustrated with. Heading to check out your page now. Thanks 🙂

  5. This is such a great topic. I actually talked about it today in my media criticism class! We were talking about why women feel the need to apologize for everything, yet men don’t. It’s because women are conditioned to be domicile people and cater to men. I’m glad you wrote this- it’s something a lot of us really need to work on!!

  6. This is totally true – so often I think we try desperately not to ‘get in the way’ or ‘be a pain’. The men in my office don’t do this! They don’t feel self conscious about taking up someone’s time but they are also hard enough to take it when they are bluntly told to push off! I so need to work on this – I wince when someone snaps and says ‘I’m in the middle of something, can you just wait’ to others. But is it really so bad? It’s just them being honest!
    A great talking and thinking point Sloane!

  7. This is sooo true and not addressed enough. I am definitely guilty of apologizing for things I have no reason to apologize for. We as women really need to make the conscious effort of stating our opinions and beliefs firmly without any doubt. It bothers me that only women do this – I guess it reflects our long history of being submissive, but no more! Thanks for this message Sloane, I am definitely going to be more aware of this today at work and hopefully from now on.

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