That means it’s time for the lovely Sloane’s FreEDom from Perfection campaign. Click over there to find out more about it!
So, Friday night.
I drank too much, ate too much (at 1:30 am) and woke up with a hangover, a stomachache, and a sh*tton of regret.
Of course, the first thoughts in my head:
- “What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you do that?”
- “Ok, you’re eating healthy this week.”
- “You know, it wouldn’t hurt to lose a pound or two.”
These thoughts immediately bring in a rush of panic. Of course, I’m reminded of my ED, and I’m paralyzed with fear over relapse.
I posted a line or two about my thoughts in my post that day, which of course, resulted in some lovely feedback and support. But the one theme that stood out to me? My feelings were NORMAL.
In Jenni Schaefer’s Goodbye Ed, Hello Me, she brings up the idea of Societal ED. If you’re not familiar with her work, Schaefer has written two books on eating disorder recovery. This book (her second) focuses on life deep into the recovery/recovered process.
She describes a situation where someone makes a comment about her body, leading her to question whether or not she should drop some weight. Was it the voice of her eating disorder? Not necessarily – she was reacting the way most people would react to the situation; most would experience temporary negative emotions about their body. Due to images that we see in the media, there is pressure for women to look a certain way; a societal ED.
Realistically, I know that overeating once in a while is not going to effect my weight. I’m not going to wake up the next morning 5 pounds heavier, nor do I have anxiety about that sort of thing anymore.
So maybe the thoughts I had weren’t necessarily part of an ED or the beginning a relapse; it was the reality of living in an image-and-diet obsessed world. We are constantly fed images of the perfect body, complete with examples of the ‘perfect’ (read: unrealistic and unhealthy) 1200-1500 calories a day diet. So, when I completely blow that number out of the water, it’s expected that I’m going to feel some guilt.
Is it ok that this sort of guilt happens in society? Of course not. But the occasional bout of poor body image is expected (especially for females), and quite frankly, pretty unavoidable, in a society striving for the thin image. Really, what matters is how I respond to these feelings.
Did I undereat on Saturday? Yes – but not because I was actively trying to restrict, but because I felt like shit all day.
Since then? Eating habits are absolutely back to normal, and those feelings I had are gone.
Case in point: I went out to dinner with friends to celebrate the end of the semester last night.
Sushi at Sushi Eight! (although between the Chinese and the sushi, my body feels like it’s 98% soy sauce right now. Good thing it’s delicious).
Split between the four of us:
- spicy crab roll and a dynamite roll (shrimp tempura, cucumber, avocado, fish egg, and mayo)
- green dragon roll (shrimp tempura roll topped with avocado) and a red dragon roll (same thing but topped with salmon)
- salmon, mackerel and snapper sashimi, bean curd sushi, and salmon sushi
- yoyogi roll (black pepper tuna and avocado topped with more tuna)
- my seaweed salad
- volcano roll (shrimp tempura roll topped with BBQ crab meat and scallops), a carpenter roll (eel and cucumber topped with avocado and tobiko), a california roll and a cucumber roll.
While I tried at least a piece of everything, my favourites were the salad, (seaweed is weird. But in an oddly delicious way), the sashimi, the yoyogi roll, the crab roll and the carpenter roll. Delicious.
Sushi 8 has a decent dessert setup, but the thought of the delicious ice cream in the freezer made me hold out until I got home. A few spoonfuls right from the container was a great way to end the night.
So, society teaches women to feel guilty about overindulging. But I can choose to ignore those feelings the best I can when I’m struck with them. Because life is too short to lose sleep over the occasional bout of post-bar indulging.
Jenny’s Christmas Challenge
Gifts are always opened Christmas morning at my house. When my brother and I were little, we would wake up at the crack of dawn, tear into our stockings, and then run into my parents room to show them everything that Santa brought us. After my parents had dragged themselves out of bed (and gotten the coffee going) we would open presents.
We’re not going to be at my parents until afternoon on Christmas, so presents will be waiting until then. But I’ve got some on Christmas Eve and some on Boxing Day to open too, so it’ll be festive, that’s for sure.
Talk to you later!
<— Any Jenni Schaefer fans out there?
<— When do you open presents?